Indulge Read online

  She’s holding me tightly so we’re chest to chest. Heart to heart.

  God, I’m in love with this woman. I need her in my life forever.

  I wonder if she’ll ever understand just how much of me belongs to her.

  I trail kisses up her neck until my mouth hovers over her ear. “I’m so in love with you, Peach.”

  I slow my thrusts because I want this to go on forever and ever. My hands find hers, and I bring them above her head where I lace our fingers together tightly. She is my everything, and I’m never letting her get away again.

  She opens her eyes and watches mine as I move above her.

  I thrust the last few times before I’m about to come. She brings her legs up around my waist and crosses her ankles behind my back. She uses the strength in her legs to bring me closer until there’s not a bit of space between us. I groan as I squeeze her hands and drive into her one last time, climaxing.

  I’m panting when I pull out, completely emptied and satiated. I roll to my back and pull Peach to lie against my chest. I’m still catching my breath as I kiss the top of her head and hold her tightly. This is where I want to be––next to Anna James Bennett. Not sandwiched between two women I don’t give two shits about.

  “You’ll never know how sorry I am that you slipped through my fingers. But it won’t happen again because I’m never letting you go. Ever. I’m not letting our story end. There’s much more needing to be written.” That’s the last thing I remember before falling into a dream world where Anna James is mine.

  * * *

  I wake to the sound of the toilet flushing. I can’t believe I fell asleep. But I always did in Anna James’s arms. She’s soothing to my body and soul.

  She comes out of the bathroom, dressed, and my heart plummets. “Please, don’t go. Stay with me.”

  “Can’t. I have things to take care of.”

  She disappears through the bedroom door into the living room so I get up, pull on my underwear, and follow her. “You still have plenty of time to pack.”

  She’s looking for something. Panties? “They’re under the couch.”

  She steps into the black lace garment and pulls it up her legs. Not the direction I like.

  I go to Peach, wrapping my arms around her from behind. “I’m not done with you.”

  “I can’t stay, Beau.”

  “Go pack and then come back so you can spend the night with me.”

  She sighs. “I can’t do that.”

  I’m not taking no for an answer. “You can and you are.”

  “You don’t understand.” She presses her palms to each side of her head and groans. “Someone is waiting for me. And I’m going to owe him an explanation about where I’ve been.”

  Okay. She has someone. I have two someones. We can ditch all of them. “Fine. Get rid of him.”

  “I can’t just get rid of him. I have commitments.”

  “What is it? Are you married or something?” Please say no.

  She exhales loudly. “I’m engaged.” Not what I wanted to hear.

  This isn’t happening. I just found a way back into Anna James’s life, and she’s yanking it out from under me. “Fuck, no. You cannot marry someone else.”

  She lowers her head. “I am. And I just fucked you. Oh, God, that’s horrible.”

  Engaged isn’t married. It’s not too late. “You can call it off and we can be together.”

  She’s shaking her head. “It’s far more complicated than you know.”

  “You’re not legally bound to this clown; how complicated could it be?”

  “Very.” She crosses her arms. “And I already know you’re involved in another poly threesome. And have been for a while.” Bam. A ton of bricks just landed on top of me.

  There’s only one way she would know that, but I want to hear her admit it. “How would you know that?”

  “I came to Buckhead. I saw you with them.” She came for me?

  “Why did you come?” I want to hear her say it. Please say it. That you came to work things out.

  “I needed to talk to you.” About us?

  “But you changed your mind when you saw them?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  “Of course I did. I knew any chance for us no longer existed.” Her face is pained as she says the words. I need to hold her.

  She tries to turn away, but I stop her by grasping her arms. “That’s not true.”

  “Which part isn’t true? That you’re not in another threesome with two women or that our chance at being together isn’t forever gone?”

  She thought I’d lied to her, set her up. Betrayed her.

  “I will end my relationship with them for you. Right now. They can be out of my house before I make it home.”

  She shakes her head vehemently. “We won’t work.”

  I don’t understand why she’s so unwilling to make a go of this. We are perfect together. “We’ll never know if we don’t try. And I desperately want to.”

  “You haven’t had a one-on-one relationship in years. How do you know you could be fulfilled by one person?”

  “The best nine days of my life were spent with the only woman in this world who’s ever completed me.” That’s a fact.

  “I’ll always wonder if I’m enough for you. I won’t live like that; too much is at stake.” I have to change her mind.

  I go to Anna James and wrap my arms around her. I stroke my hand down the back of her long blonde hair. “What do I have to say to make you see I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make us work?”

  I can feel her shaking her head against my chest. “I can’t chance it.”

  I step back and cradle her face before kissing her softly. “I want you. I want us.”

  She pushes me away. “But for how long? Until you decide you want to bring another woman into our lives? Our bed?”

  I grasp her upper arms. “Dammit, Peach! I don’t know another way to say it. I don’t need anyone else if I have you.”

  “I won’t put us through that.” She closes her eyes and peels my hands from her arms. “Damn you. I finally had it together again. Why did you have to show up and ruin everything?”

  She may not realize it, but she just confessed her true feelings. “You love me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have the power to ruin anything.”

  I already have the answer I need.

  “I have to go. He’ll be wondering where I am.”

  She tries to pass but I step in her path. “So, that’s it? You’re with me, and then you go back to him with my smell all over you?”

  “That’s it, exactly. Just like you were with me, and you’ll go back to that pair at home and pretend nothing happened while you were out of town.”

  “Does he fuck you the way I do? Does he make you come so hard you scream?”

  She stares at me. Silent.

  “I didn’t think so. That’s why you wanted it hard and dirty. You said you needed it, and I’d bet that’s because you’re not getting what you need from him.”

  “Faithfulness. Respect. Security. That’s what he gives me.”

  “You left off true and beautiful.” I haven’t forgotten the words she used because they were powerful.

  She doesn’t have a reply for that.

  I follow her to the door. “Please don’t do this, Peach. I’m begging.”

  She steps forward, cradling my face as she kisses me softly. “I will always carry a part of you with me.”

  “You must mean my heart. Because it will always belong only to you.”

  She doesn’t reply before walking out the door and out of my life.

  And it breaks my fucking heart. Again.

  Chapter 14

  Beau Emerson

  I go to bed, but it’s a joke to think I’ll sleep. I lie there seeing Anna James behind my lids every time I close them. I hear the echo of her voice telling me we won’t work. But she’s wrong. We belong together.

  Lust. Intrigue. Ecstasy. Love. It happened in that order.

  P
each sat down at my table at the restaurant at Indulge, and my dick came to full attention. One look. That’s all it took for me to know I wanted to bend her over and screw her brains out.

  I wanted to make her my first fuck at Indulge. Planned on it. Had every intention.

  But then the craziest thing happened. I spent time with this Georgia peach and figured out there was more to her beneath that thin white dress proudly displaying her nipples than what I was fantasizing about.

  Vanilla. A fucking beautiful vanilla girl at a hedonism resort. What kind of cruel joke was that? Don’t we always want what we can’t, or shouldn’t, have?

  I knew I’d never be with her, but she was so intoxicating. Fucking addictive. I just wanted to breathe the same air as her. Because when I’m with her, the only place I want to be is closer.

  We talked that first night, and she had the power to make me tell her things I had planned on taking to my grave. All she had to do was threaten to withdraw her presence. And bam. I bent to her will just like that. Had she told me the only way she’d stay was if I walked on water, I’d have found a way. That’s how much I craved her company.

  I nearly fucked it all up that first night when I teased her, asking if she’d help me choose my first fuck. She didn’t catch on to the part about it being her, so I pulled back and did something I’ve not done in years. Flirt. Made me feel like a teenager instead of a thirty-five-year-old man. But I liked it.

  She made me do something else I’ve not done near enough. Laugh. That, too, can be highly addictive. I’d been so full of anger and resentment.

  Anna James Bennett. The sound of her name, alone, has the power to silence my demons.

  I found a friend in her, and it would have been enough had it been all she was willing to give, but I couldn’t resist pursuing her. I had to give it another shot; I wanted her too badly to give up. I felt like I was beginning to breathe again.

  I can identify the exact moment I fell. It was the day we went to the market, and she gave me the bunny she’d bought for Ash. In that moment, I saw into her heart. And damn. It was a beautiful heart. Sweet. Caring. Loving. That’s when I knew I wanted her in my life beyond the nine days we agreed upon. I don’t want to exist without that heart.

  A strange, powerful force took hold of me, its root weaving itself around my heart, body, and soul. And there it grew because she kissed my heart awake when her soul whispered to mine.

  Last night she told me about her fears. That she wouldn’t be enough for me because of my past. Legitimate concern. I get it. But there’s something she’s failing to see. I didn’t ask for the threesome. Didn’t need it to be happy. Erin did. I don’t think I ever explained that. Fuck.

  As far as Phoebe and Zoey go, they mean nothing to me. A total mistake. Just a means of trying to get over the sting of losing the woman I truly love. A way to get my dick wet.

  Will I be able to escape the consequence of that error in judgment?

  I hug the pillow Peach’s head rested upon three hours ago. Her scent lingers; I press my nose against it and inhale deeply.

  I know we’d be together now if Carl hadn’t fucked me over, trying to get between her legs. She wouldn’t have left me or said she was back with her ex. And I wouldn’t be with Phoebe and Zoey.

  Having those kind of fuckers in my life has ruined what I could have had with Peach. But no more.

  She came to Buckhead to talk. There’s hope yet.

  Why the hell did I take on Phoebe and Zoey? Shit. I fucked everything up by being with them.

  I take my phone off the charger and call Phoebe. “Hey, baby,” she yells.

  It’s three in the morning but I hear people talking in the background. They’re probably throwing a damn party at my house, trashing my place, providing everyone with alcohol I’ve bought. “Put me on speaker so I can talk to you and Zoey.”

  “Come ’ere, Zoey. Beau’s on the phone and wants to talk to us.”

  “Heeeyy, Beau,” she slurs. Totally wasted.

  “Can you both hear me?”

  “Yeah,” they shout in unison.

  “Good. I want both of you, and all your shit, out of my place when I get home Monday. I’ll put you up in a hotel for a week. That’s plenty of time to go apartment hunting.”

  There’s a rustling noise. I think Phoebe just took me off speaker. “I don’t understand.”

  “The only thing you need to understand is that you and Zoey have to go; our threesome is done.”

  “Whatever, Beau.”

  I end the call, glad neither of them tried to plead for me to change my mind. Not that I really expected either to do so.

  I feel good about this. Ending my relationship with Phoebe and Zoey is the first right step in winning Peach back, but I have to formulate a plan; I’m on a deadline.

  Peach wants true and beautiful. That’s what I have to give her.

  I’m pumped about where this thing is going. So much so that I have an adrenalin rush. To burn off some of this pent-up energy, I need a run. Not something I’ve done in a long time but I feel good enough to jump right back in.

  I alternate running and walking for an hour, spending the entire time thinking of Peach and how good our lives will be after we’re together. This is the first time I’ve felt encouraged in more than a year.

  I enter the hotel and spot Peach in the lobby. I see her from behind but know it’s her because I recognize her long blonde locks. No one has hair as beautiful as hers.

  She’s sitting alone on the couch, surrounded by suitcases, and I can’t resist the opportunity to see her again before she leaves.

  I’ve ended things with Phoebe and Zoey. I want Peach leaving here knowing I did that for her. Because I love her, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to turn this around.

  “Anna James,” I call out.

  She turns at the sound of her name. Her eyes grow large when she sees me approaching. And so do mine when I see the baby sitting in her lap. “Beau . . .”

  I’m dumbfounded. Speechless. She has a baby?

  I do the math, counting the months on my fingers. We were together last July. If she became pregnant, she would have likely given birth in March. Maybe April. This is September. This baby would have to be around five months old to have a possibility of being mine.

  I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. He could belong to her fiancé. This could be the complication she was referring to.

  “You didn’t mention a baby.”

  “I didn’t know how to.”

  He’s a beautiful boy, sitting so big in her lap. “How old is he?”

  She avoids answering. “I’m sorry, Beau.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  The baby bucks and twists in her lap. His tiny fists rub his hazel eyes surrounded by thick, dark lashes. My eyes. Oh, shit. “He’s mine, isn’t he?”

  Her eyes dart toward the elevator doors and back to me. “Please don’t do this now. And not here. Please.”

  “You’ve not answered me. Is he mine?”

  She nods. “Yes.”

  “How?” I mean I know how. But . . . how?

  “I think he happened on ketchup and chocolate night. We didn’t use a condom.” Oh. That explains what she meant when she said I’d already been skin on skin with her. He’s the proof.

  “I took a morning-after pill when I realized what we’d done.” She shrugs and shakes her head. “Didn’t work.”

  It isn’t possible to label the many different emotions running through me at once but a few are front runners.

  Happiness.

  Love.

  Anger.

  “You’ve kept him from me.” Again, my choice has been taken from me in regards to my child.

  “I’m sorry, Beau, but we have a plane to catch, and our car will be here any minute.”

  “Fuck making your flight. I’ll get you another one.”

  She’s still staring at those damn elevator doors. “You’re watching for him, aren’t you?”

  �
�He had to go up to the room but will be back any minute.”

  Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. “I want to hold my son.”

  She’s fidgety, looking around like a thief about to be caught. I don’t care. It’s nothing to me if her fiancé comes off that elevator and catches us together. In fact, it’ll only help me get him out of my way faster.

  “Peach. Wouldn’t you want to hold him if someone had kept him from you his entire life?”

  She looks thoughtful for a moment before holding him out for me to take. “Just for a minute.”

  A minute, my ass.

  I take him into my arms and all I can do is stare at him. “He has my eyes.”

  “He has your everything, Beau. Except the chin. I get credit for that.”

  She’s right. I wish I had one of my baby pictures to show her. We’re clones.

  I can’t believe I’m holding my son for the first time. “He’s perfect. And amazing.”

  He grasps my thumb in his tiny hand, bringing it to his mouth. “Hey, little guy. I’m your dad.”

  I hug him, kissing the top of his head. His skin is soft. And he smells so good. Reminds me of Ashlyn when she was smaller.

  “What is his name?”

  “I need him back.” She’s already reaching for him.

  “Come on, Peach. I’ve only held him ten seconds, and you already want to take him away from me?”

  I take my phone from the case clipped on my shorts. “I want a picture.”

  She doesn’t take the phone. “I deserve a picture.”

  She nibbles her lip. “All right. Quickly.”

  “Look at Mommy.” Anna James is smiling as she takes the pictures.

  “Found it.” The preppy prick who just appeared at my side is holding up a pacifier. “It was on the floor under the table.”

  I turn away. Looking at him pisses me off.

  She didn’t tell me our son’s name. “What’s his name, Peach?”

  “Clark, after my daddy, and Beauregard, after his father. But we call him Clark.”

  My heart melts. I can’t believe she named our son after me. But his last name should be Emerson. And it will be.