Dear Agony Read online

  He pulls upward and the zipper smoothly glides to the top. “Got it.”

  I step away and adjust my dress. “Looks okay?”

  I already know this dress looks dynamite on me. It hugs and accentuates every curve I have. Butt. Boobs. Hips.

  “Beautiful.”

  Bastien tells me often that I’m beautiful. He never withholds compliments but something about the way he’s looking at me tonight feels different. I like it.

  “The other Duets will be wearing black. Vale wants me to wear red tonight for some reason.”

  “Hopefully to signify that you’re unavailable.”

  That thought never occurred to me. “I was sort of thinking it was so the other Duets could scan the room and easily locate me in case they need something.”

  “Stop saying other Duets like you’re still one of them. You’re not.”

  Why is Bastien being so snappy with me? “Is something wrong?”

  “Nope.” Nope is not typical Bastien vocabulary.

  He’s saying one thing but his tone tells me something entirely different. And his expression. I’ve known him long enough to recognize that when his jaw is set like that, he’s pissed off. “You’re upset.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “You may be unaware, but I’ve come to know you pretty well over the last several months. I know when something is wrong so you might as well go ahead and tell me.”

  He puts his hands low on his hips, just above his jeans, and groans beneath his breath. “I don’t see why it’s necessary for you to attend this masquerade tonight. You’re not available for the taking.”

  I’ve never heard Bastien say anything like that. He sounds . . . no, he can’t possibly be jealous. Or possessive. Can he?

  Whatever is happening, I relish it. And I may be turning cartwheels on the inside. “I’m well aware I’m not available for anyone else’s taking.”

  “But those men . . .” Bastien stops and his jaw is clenched tightly as he shakes his head from side to side. “Those men at that party won’t know. They’re going to see a beautiful woman in a red sequined dress standing out from the rest of the crowd. Trust me. They’re going to want you.”

  I only want you to want me. Those words beg to be released.

  “I’ll tell anyone who asks that I’m not available, and I’ll happily introduce him to a Duet who is. That’s my job. To make connections.”

  “I don’t like anything about this. I don’t want you at that party.”

  As much as I enjoy hearing him say that, I’m obligated to be there. “I helped train these girls. I should be present to support them.”

  “I want this to stop.”

  My heart panics and skips a beat. “You want what to stop?”

  Please don’t say us. I haven’t had enough time with you or enough relaxing Sunday breakfasts or enough of your carefree sense of humor or enough of our lazy Saturday night movie nights.

  I haven’t had enough of you. Period.

  “Your involvement with Duets Foundation. Contact with clients.” I’m relieved, yet I’m not.

  “What would I do all day if I didn’t work at Duets?” I’m finished with school unless I go back for my master’s.

  “I want you to come to work for me at PPI. I can use your help.”

  I don’t know what I thought he was going to say but it sure wasn’t that. “To do what?”

  “Be my personal assistant. I’ll give you the office right next to mine.”

  I’m stunned. I wasn’t expecting this at all. “I don’t know anything about the commercial real estate business.” That’s stating the obvious.

  “You have a business degree. I’m confident you can learn.”

  “I like working with Vale and enjoy training the new girls.” I’ve not mentioned it to Bastien, but I’m interested in buying into Duets.

  I’m set for now but I won’t be with Bastien forever. Our relationship has a shelf life. As much as I hate it, I must consider what I’ll do with my life after we part ways.

  I love Vale and Duets. I admire the brand she has created, and I think together we can grow it into something so much bigger.

  “I need help, Rose. I’m drowning because I’m so busy.”

  “You could hire anyone as a PA.” Probably someone much more qualified than I am.

  “But I want you to be my PA.”

  We’d wake together, go to work together, come home together. That’s a lot of Bastien and Rose time. “Do you realize that means we’d be with each other almost twenty-four/seven?”

  “Would that be so bad?”

  Bastien and I get along great. He’s become my best friend. But the more I’m with him, the more I long for something outside of his boundaries. Being with him all the time is only going to add fuel to that fire.

  “Let me think about it.”

  “I’ll pay you well.”

  “The pay isn’t the issue.”

  “Then what is the issue?”

  This is it. My chance to tell him I’m falling in love with him. All I have to do is say the words. They’re hanging on the tip of my tongue waiting to be set free.

  I want to so badly. But then I remember the terms of our agreement. His wishes. His expectations. His boundaries. All of them specifically excluded love and romance, leaving no room for doubt. Bastien isn’t in love with me nor does he ever want to be.

  Friendship. That’s what I have to settle for.

  I can’t have this conversation right now. I’m terrified he’ll figure out what’s preventing me from saying yes. And if he puts two and two together, I’m terrified he’ll tell me we’re over.

  “The car will be here to pick me up in fifteen minutes, and I’m not finished getting ready. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” Bastien comes to me and kisses the top of my head. “You look beautiful, baby girl.”

  As I have many times over the last several months, I lift my chin to look at him and imagine what would happen if I went up on my tiptoes and kissed his mouth. “Thank you.”

  “Will you be late?”

  “Not sure but if I am I’ll be quiet so I don’t disturb you.”

  “I want you to wake me when you come in. I like knowing you’re home and safe.”

  Bastien loves me. Maybe not the way I love him but it’s still there. I feel it. And who knows? Maybe it can grow into something more one day.

  ***

  “Champagne?” I take the glass of bubbly from the tray. I plan on having quite a few of these tonight. Maybe it’ll numb the pain I feel when I think about the life I want with Bastien but will never have.

  “Rose? Can I talk to you a second?”

  I turn to the voice behind me. It’s Scarlet, one of the newer Duets I helped train.

  “Of course.”

  She nibbles her bottom lip and wrings her hands. “Do you see the guy in the gray suit with the purple plaid tie? The one sitting at the bar.”

  I discreetly scan the room until I find the man she’s describing. “Yes.”

  “I know him. He was one of my professors last semester.”

  “Are you sure?” He’s wearing a masquerade mask, so she could be wrong.

  “I spent three days a week being mesmerized by those eyes. I’d know them anywhere, mask or not.”

  “Do you think he has recognized you?”

  “No. I’ve been careful to maintain distance. But the thing is . . . I want to talk to him.”

  “Oh.” Not where I thought this was going.

  “Would I be breaking any kind of rule if I do?”

  I can’t recall a Duet ever knowing one of the men who sought Vale’s services. “No rule with Duets that I know of. However, there’s the student/professor code to consider.”

  “I crushed so hard on him the entire semester. I figured he was married or had a girlfriend . . . or maybe a boyfriend. It’s so ironic to run into him under these circumstances. If he’s here, he’s looking for someone.”

&nb
sp; “Could be your big chance.”

  “I’m doing it. I’m going over to him right now before another Duet sinks her claws into him.”

  “I say go for it.” I know how to give advice, but I sure don’t know how to take it myself.

  I watch Scarlet initiate a conversation with her former professor. They talk for a couple minutes, and she lifts her mask. Realization spreads across his face and then a smile. He twists on the barstool and turns his full attention solely on her. He’s into Scarlet. Very into her. I can clearly see it from across the room. I think we could have a successful match on our hands.

  “Great turnout, right?”

  I turn when I hear Vale’s voice beside me. “Yeah. But it always is when you have a new crop of Duets up for availability.” Clients, new and old, are eager to meet the new girls.

  “I’ve had several inquiries about you tonight. They were disappointed to hear you weren’t available.”

  Maybe Vale can shed a little light on Bash’s behavior about me attending the party. “Bastien didn’t want me to come tonight. He acted sort of possessive of me and jealous that I was going to be around clients.”

  “Of course he didn’t want you to come. He considers you his.”

  “I am his.” But not in every way I want to be.

  “Is something happening between the two of you?” I wish.

  “No.” I hesitate a moment and consider the ramifications of confessing my love for Bastien. Vale’s been doing this a while. She has seen Duets fall in love with clients. She’s also one of Bastien’s best friends and knows him better than anyone else, but she also knows me. She’s aware I’m not the sort of girl to fall in love with a man just because he is handsome and wealthy. She’ll understand. “I’d like there to be something happening.”

  Vale smiles, not looking at all surprised. “Are you in love with him?”

  There’s no two ways about it. I love him with all of my heart. “Yes.”

  “Does he love you?”

  “I think he loves me the same way he loves you.” As a best friend.

  I’ve spent the last several months learning a tough lesson. Unrequited love is painful. In fact, it’s one of the most painful things I’ve experienced in my life.

  “You should tell him.”

  Has Vale lost her mind? “God, no. You were there when we made our companionship agreement. He was very clear about not wanting a romantic relationship.”

  “Sometimes things change. You’ve lived together five months. He could be open to it now.”

  “If I tell him, and he’s not feeling it, I’ll ruin what we have. Things may never be the same between us. That would kill me, Vale. I can’t risk it.”

  “But what if he feels the same and you’re both sitting there saying nothing?”

  “Wouldn’t I know? Wouldn’t I pick up on some kind of clue?”

  “Not necessarily. Men are strange animals.” Ain’t that the truth?

  “Seems like you would know. He’s your best friend.”

  “Bastien has never been in love. If I know my best friend, he hasn’t worked this out in his head yet. That’s not to say he won’t though.”

  “He wants me to stop working for you and come to work for him as his personal assistant.” I think that means something big. I’m just not sure what.

  Vale’s eyes widen. “How do you feel about that?”

  “I like working with you. I enjoy training the girls.”

  “But you love Bastien. Becoming his personal assistant would bring you closer. As much as I would hate losing you, growing closer to him might be exactly what you need for him to fall in love with you. Or maybe realize that he already is.”

  Vale did this on her own before I came along, and I know she can again, but she has come to depend on me. “Feels like I would be abandoning you just as things are taking off by leaps and bounds.”

  “I love you, Rose. I want you to be happy. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. If that includes letting you go so you can try this with B, then that’s what I’ll do.”

  Vale is very confident in encouraging me to go to work for Bastien. Has she seen something in him I haven’t? “I’m scared to do this.”

  “Don’t be. You know I’d take you back at Duets in a heartbeat if it doesn’t work out at PPI.”

  She’s such a good friend. “I appreciate that more than you know.”

  So torn. I saw my role at Duets growing. Not ending.

  “I’m not entirely certain that taking a job at PPI will work out. I foresee Wendy being difficult.” She knows, or believes, Bastien and I are a couple and yet she’s always trying to cause problems between us. Constantly badmouthing me although our only contact has been when I’ve visited him at work or attended a couple PPI events.

  “I trained you. I’m confident you know how to put that bitch in her place.” True. Vale didn’t just train me. She raised me more during those three years than my mother ever did.

  Bastien has asked this of me. I don’t think it’s random. “I hate stepping away from Duets, but I need to give it a go.” I want to do this.

  “You love Bastien. You have to see where this goes. I totally understand and I hope it works out. Nothing would make me happier than to see you together.”

  Nothing would make me happier either.

  Chapter Fourteen

  __________________________________

  Bastien Pascal

  –

  Eleven o’clock came and went. Midnight as well. I came to bed a little after one. I didn’t want Rose to know I was waiting up for her. But I am. I won’t sleep a wink until I know she’s home and safe. Home. With me.

  This isn’t the way our relationship is supposed to be. I shouldn’t be lying awake, jealous because she’s at a party, looking as beautiful as ever. A party where other men are, without doubt, vying for her attention and company.

  Rose is my paid companion, but I don’t own her. She’s obliged to live under my roof and give me her time and attention. But not all of it. What if she meets someone she wants to date? I’m not sure how I’d handle that. I don’t have the right to do anything else but allow her to fly. As she deserves.

  I once encouraged her to date, but that was early in our relationship. Before we spent month after month sharing laughter, movies, breakfasts, dreams, and incredible banter. Before she became my other best friend. Before I wanted to do more than hold her through the nights in her bed. Before I fell in love with her.

  She’s all I think about. I yearn for her to be with me every waking minute. I need to spend every good moment I have left with her.

  The alarm alerts with the door ajar sound and I know she’s home. An immediate rush of relief washes over me and I lie still, waiting for her to appear in the doorway of my bedroom.

  She softly taps on my bedroom door. “I’m home.”

  “I’m awake.” I reach over and turn on the lamp. I have to see her in that dress again.

  The glow softly illuminates the room and the sequins on her dress catch the light, eliciting a sparkle. As does she.

  Damn. She’s so beautiful it hurts.

  “How’d the party go?” What I really mean is did you talk to any men? Did any pursue you?

  “It was good.”

  I don’t know what good means to her. But I want to know.

  I pat the bed and scoot toward the center. “Come here and tell me about it.” If it was good because she met someone, I need to know that. Not that I’d know what to do about it. And not that I would have the right to do anything at all.

  She doesn’t hesitate in coming over to sit on my bed. “We had a lot of new Duets to present tonight and the client turnout was a lot bigger than expected.”

  Big client turnout equates to an abundance of wealthy vultures in attendance. “That means there weren’t a lack of matches?”

  “We won’t know until the clients contact for a booking, but we certainly anticipate plenty of inquiries.”


  “Any clients inquire about you?”

  She shrugs and looks away. “Maybe a few.”

  “That’s a yes.”

  She shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “Matters to me.”

  Her eyes dart up to meet mine. She hesitates, simply maintaining eye contact before speaking. “Vale told them I wasn’t available. End of story.”

  “Anyone ask you for a date and not a booking?” I should probably stop with the quizzing. I sound like a jealous boyfriend interrogating her.

  She shakes her head. “No. And if they did, you know I’d say no.”

  I’d love to believe she’d have said no to a potential suitor because of an affection she feels for me but it’s more likely her lack of interest would be related to her painful past.

  “I’m not sad no one asked you for a date. I’m selfish and want all of your time for myself.” Dating would cut into her time with me and I’m not ready for that. I couldn’t cope with it. At least not while I’m still healthy.

  “Well, I was propositioned.” For sex?

  “By whom?”

  She punches my upper arm. “You, silly. The job offer. Or have you forgotten so quickly?”

  My mood instantly lifts when she brings up the job proposal. “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “I spoke with Vale about it tonight. Told her I was coming to work for you. She’s fine with it.”

  I’m grinning like a fool. And I don’t care. She has made me one happy man. “I’m really pleased to hear that.”

  “I may be the worst personal assistant ever. You may decide it was a terrible decision to bring me on.”

  I don’t care if she sits there and does nothing. She’ll be sitting there and doing nothing with me. “I have zero worries about it, baby girl.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  She arches her back and rolls her shoulders before tilting her head to each side. “I’m so tired. My back hurts and these shoes are killing my feet. My bed is calling my name hard.”

  She was gone about nine hours, and I know that party wasn’t all fun for her. It was work. “It was a long night for you. Go get some rest. Sleep in and I’ll make you your favorite breakfast when you get up.”